?

Log in

no · substance, · just · small · talk

Recent Entries · Archive · Friends · Profile

* * *
so its been years since i updated this thing. ive been really neglecting LJ as of late but here's what's going on right now.

ben and i are great! that boy is as sweet as pie and i like him more than chocolate cake...which says a lot cuz i really like chocolate cake. and im really bonding well with his family. its nice and im glad they have welcomed my so warmly into the group. my mom came a few weeks ago and i brought her to church she really like it and his family loved her. she was also here for easter last weekend and we had a nice family dinner. i love stuff like that. im just very happy to be a part of it.

church is wonderful. more and more people are visiting, we are developing into quite the group. and on wednesday nights im getting personally dicipled by beverly. i love her so much! she has such positive energy and she's always so full of joy. she is the best person to be around. i thank God everyday for her.

what else is new? oh yeah! 2 weeks ago i quit that miserable job at pearson and myers. i had to get out of there and now im working at the same company that ben's sister works (coaxis international). it an IT company and its very similar to my job at FSU but i think i'll actually learn something here, which is always a good thing. i love nepitism! but timing really coudlnt have been more perfect and its not like im not qualified to do the job. but im excited...my first day was yesterday and its been great so far

ben's birthday party is this saturday and i have no idea what to wear!
Current Location:
CI
Current Mood:
accomplished accomplished
Current Music:
kidd kraddic
* * *

alright so my valentines day was perfect. PERFECT! ben took  me to this wonderful new place, urbane. the food was delicous. conversation was great. i got orange roses..so pretty. we are also offically together in a relationship. i have a boyfriend. crazy huh? im really happy he's such a sweetheart.

everything else in my life is going great. i got my taxes back so im not broke. church has helped me tremendously. ben's parents are two really amazing people. so much love. i also got up with stacey last week and she gave me some major help with starting off my carrer in teaching. so im begining the long process and hopefully by next school year you can call me miss ashe.

things are amazing right now. i dont want anything to end

Current Location:
home
Current Mood:
rejuvenated rejuvenated
* * *
anyway so everything has been everything for the past few weeks.

i was diagnosed with depression exactly 2 weeks ago. ive been seeing a therapist. i think its helping..but its such a short time so it's hard to tell. 

ben is great. we've been talking a whole lot of small talk lately which is cute. im like really really fully comfortable around him. ya know? like i feel like i dont have to be cool around him. not that i was putting on an act before...but you know what its like when you meet a boy in the begining. anyway, im past all that.

so ive decided to attend Transforming Life Church full time, that's ben's parents church. im excited, they are just starting out and so am i. they are super sweet folks and i have learned a lot from them already. and im very happy to be at a place where i feel needed. evangel was great but i was just another face in the crowd. this way going to church will be even more personal. im excited

i dyed my hair jet black...it looks cool!

ok i guess that's all for now
Current Location:
P&M
Current Mood:
hopeful hopeful
* * *

first off... HAPPY BIRTHDAY SABRINA! i hope the "real world" is treating you well

well i had a really amazing weekend. it was simple but really really sweet. ben and i spent a whole lot of time together. friday night i went to happy hour with holly and the guy she's sorta seeing. his name is mikey and he's older, 37 but he seemed sweet and really into her so it was cool. service was terrible tho! isaturday i went with him out to his parents new church to help set the building. we mainly moved all the chairs from his parents house to the church and we were only there for a couple hours but it was fun. his parents are always really sweet. 

after that we went to wal-mart so he could pick up some groceries. so much fun! ive never been to wal-mart with a boy. it felt really...i dont know, couple-y. i even got him to buy aveeno face wash! it was cute. he wound up buying a turkey (random i know) to cook on sunday. then we went back to his place unloaded and smoked a hookah outside. i went home that night in the best mood.

sunday woke up for church, it was ben's first sunday back playing the drums so i was really excited to see him do his thing. and worship lasted for over an hour that morning! it was great. so then the pastor got up there and delivered an awesome sermon about forgiveness. i got up with ben for lunch after church. we got up later for dinner. he did a great job on the turkey and my mashed potatoes were amazing! then we watched resident evil. 

but yeah best weekend in a while.

Current Location:
P&M
Current Mood:
content content
* * *
so NYE was pretty anti-climatic. ben worked for most of the night so i didnt get to spend like major time with him. but i did stop by his sister party. it was cool.

im starting to kind of get sick of the job. but that's to be expected. 

its finally starting to get a little chilly in tallahasse. which is nice tho my heater is doing a half-assed job of keeping me warm.

ok whatever i guess that's it for right now. im gonna got try to find some soup.

Current Location:
P&M
Current Mood:
cold cold
* * *
* * *
i had a really nice christmas. everyone loved their gifts. and i got tons of stuff that i really needed. i got to hang out with jenna for a day. i love that girl and im glad i got to see her and linda for christmas. i love those girls and jacqui too. but im always a little sad when they leave.

yesterday i went to ben's parents church. it was amazing! ben's mom gave a wonderful sermon about authentic christians v. casual christians. it was a very strong message and i left knowing that being an authentic christian is the only way to be. we all had lunch afterwards. it was nice. i love being around that family they have such awesome energy.

so new years this year is gonna be pretty lowkey. ben is spinning at tantra tonight until one and his sister is having a party at her house. and even tho im not drinking dom and taking thousands of shots of patron on south beach with my girls, there is nowhere else id rather spend my nye. 

so as 2007 comes to a close im reminded of a year where i had a lot of highs an a lot of lows. in a lot of ways im glad to see this year go. i suffered a lot this year. i experienced things i never thought i would. but i did manage to gain a lot of personal insight. i have a newfound love for my life and the people in it. a hot boy and a hot haircut arent bad either =)

for 2008 i hope to accomplish:
buying a new car
building stronger relationships with my friends and family
developing a relationship with God
gettting started on a career in teaching
gaining more real confidence 

i am very optimistic about this coming year
Current Mood:
optimistic optimistic
Current Music:
project runway marathon
* * *
 MERRY CHRISTMAS EVE!

ok so not much has been going in the past couple weeks. work has been nice. tho since its the holidays there are so many goodies being brought to the office. its a wonder that i havent put on 10 pounds yet. the weather is finally getting a little chillier so it actually feels like christmas time.

i got my hair cut. well its more like i got bangs. i havent had bangs since i was 13. i love this haircut! its really edgy and high fashion. i havent seen anyone with anything like it. :)

ben is good. im opening up to him more lately. its nice.

linda was here this past weekend. she flew home to orlando for christmas and then drove all the way up to miserable tallahassee just to see me. so sweet of her. we hung out. she and ben finally got to meet and they got along great! it was so important to me. for some reason i was a little nervous. cuz ben has never seen me around any of my freinds. not that im different when im with him but not very many people can handle me and the girls. he was sweet and so was she. 

i cant wait for christmas! im at work now and i just wanna go home! i got such great stuff for everyone..im so excited to see their reactions. ben and i exchanged gifts last night. i got him a few sweaters that he loved and he got me this awesome zip-up red hoodie. i love it! its brand ive never heard of, "triple five soul", it fits perfectly and is really warm. its one of the coolest things i have. my baby did such a great job :D

ok well i hope yall are staying warm and are having a merry christmas!
Current Location:
P&M
Current Mood:
touched touched
* * *

 ok so im taking steps to improve my life. its just something i gotta do and im finally motivated. im just sick of feeling....unfulfilled. so here is a list of things im gonna make routine:

wake up no later than 8am
dress like a professional everyday for work
make my bed everyday
eat regularly
keep my house clean
keep my car clean
start reading again
take pringle outside more
actually go to the gym

i know its stuff that normal people normally do but they are not routine activites with me and id like to make them routine. so im gonna give myself a a few days to get everything together and then im really gonna do it. im so excited!

in other news everything is going alright. i cant wait for christmas i wrapped all my presents last night i cant wait for everyone to open them!

i dyed my hair last week! you cant really tell unless im standing in the sun but the color is called egyptian plum. its neat! i think im gonna get a haircut on friday...something with bangs. ive been feelin it lately.

ben is good. tho we had a little moment saturday night. i kind of overreacted but whatever we talked on sunday afternoon and everything is fine. my freakin christmas party for work was on saturday ben was my date. it was a lot of fun. he looked so handsome! 

ok that's all for now

Current Mood:
determined determined
* * *

i hope you had a wonderful thanksgiving holiday. i know i did. and i have so much to be thankful for...my family, tho not perfect they are mine and i love them very much. my friends, even though they are so far away i still get to feel their love everyday. for ben, he gets it in a way that no one else has before. i truly feels like he likes me for me. he is awesome. pringle for being the cutest most precious dog in the world. my car for not breaking down on me...yet. my health and my job. im so thankful that God has blessed me with so many things. my heart is so full there are times i can barely catch my breath.

so ok...thanksgivng dinner was a ton of fun. spending time with ben and his family was amazing. i never grew up eating dinner as a family so its really nice to get to experience that. the food was amazing! im still thinking about the cheesy mashed potatos. mmm. and by some miracle his mom manged to get a wii. so we spent a few hours bowling, boxing, golfing and playing tennis. 

its been so nice having a couple of days off. i can not wait for christmas. but ive got to jump on the shopping! i have a bunch of people to shop for and so far my mom is the only one that has told me what she wants. im thinking about getting a little tree this year. im gonna be in tallahasse until christmas eve so i might as well decorate a little. 

so ive been going to church for the past couple weeks. its the best thing i could have done for myself. it really is amazing. i didnt grow up religious so God was never something i thought about. but i think i managed to grow up a decent person with a good heart. but over the past several months ive felt like something was missing. and at the time i really didnt knwo what it was. and it really is amazing the way things happen. ben came into my life, his parents just started their own church. and when we first met it wasnt like he talked about God and going to church all the time. but one night we were talking online about some stuff and it was the first time he had mentioned what God has done in his life. and something kinda went off in my head. i knew it was something i had to learn more about. so a couple weeks later me him and his parents had dinner and they answered a lot of questions for me. and that week i started going to church and ive noticed such a difference.

Current Mood:
peaceful peaceful
* * *
my favorite thing about this time of year is when your car sits in the sun and you get in and its all warm and cozy...mmm

the weather has been amazing! i need to do something outside. 

my litte sister got her period yesterday! im proud of her. but what a weird thing to be proud of. i remember when it happened to me i didnt want anyone to know. she's growing up fast

im excited for thanksgiving.

Current Mood:
cold cold
* * *
* * *
alright so im spending thanksgiving with ben and his family! yay im really excited/nervous. but really more excited than nervous.

work is going alright. 

i need a day off. like real day off not just a holiday.

im thinking about becoming a christian.

i wanna start christmas shopping but i have no clue what to get these fools in my life

nip/tuck just got really good! last nights episode was amazing! now im looking forward to this season

Current Location:
P&M
Current Mood:
apathetic apathetic
* * *

ok so halloween last week was fun. hung out with ben and his friends (who are slowly becoming my friends). it was cool we went to the beta bar which was surprisingly packed. and all the freaks went there too so i saw some interesting costumes.

i was home this past weekend that was alright. there was some drama like there always is. its funny  parents always want there children to be happy but dont kids want the same thing for their parents? i know i do. 

saw american gangster this weekend. A-mazing. you should really go see it such an interesting story and you almost develop sympathy for a freaking heroin dealer. plus denzel washington is the best actor.

so im making some changes in my life. hopefully for the better. that's all im gonna say for now. i'll let you know how it goes

last night i had dinner with ben's parents. they are two of the sweetest people i have ever met. ever! their house is so cute and perfect. it was a really nice time. i even got an invite for thanksgiving and im just crazy enough to take them up on it. but im nervous. thanksgiving is a major holiday and this is a guy who we are together but there is nothing official... i dont know. i hope i made a good impression.



Current Location:
P&M
Current Mood:
grateful grateful
* * *
 ...so first thing's first:

HAPPY MOTHERFUCKIN BIRTHDAY SUZANNE! 

^ i made it orange so its kinda halloweeny. love you!

ok so that boy im seeing, ben well i finally got to see his face last night! yay! he was in chicago this past weekend and he got back on monday but he's been so crazy busy. anyway so not only did he get me a pencil but i also got a baby hookah! and that may not seem like a huge deal but i only asked for a pencil and he saw the little hookah and thought of me! very thoughtful i love that.

umm halloween is right aroudn the corner. im gonna throw together a slammin cosutme for some party tonight.

in other news my bosses just gave everyone a bottle of wine! that's what the fuck im talking about. i cant wait to be hammered tonight!  :D

Current Location:
P&M
Current Mood:
excited excited
Current Music:
kidd kraddic in the morning
* * *

seriously...my body hurts, im hungover and tired as a motherfucker, i even feel like i got hit in the face at some point. but i wouldnt trade this weekend for anything. i mean at one point on game day i picked up a most full bottle of coke off the ground because i needed something to chase the handle of aristocrat vodka i had in my. we did the soulja boy in the street witha guy dressed in a chicken costume. i stole a jar out of my friend omar's house.

i have the greatest friends in the world. 

i miss ben. he gets back tonight! yay

Current Location:
P&M
Current Mood:
lazy lazy
Current Music:
2 spoons hitting together
* * *
 so the friends are here! yay! last night was awesome..like old times. which meant i was ready to call it a night around 1am. im so tried and hungover... well vodka gives me the worst headache!
Current Mood:
cold cold
* * *
* * *
periods are such bullshit! and what's even better is that i recently found out that when you are on birthcontrol (hormones) the "period" that you get isnt even a real period! its withdrawl bleeding, or something like that. and its not even necessarry. wtf! boo! i think the doctors are just boneheads and made it up. cuz if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck...its a motherfucking duck! 

god i really want some chocolate cake!!

so my BFFs get here on thrusday! i can not wait to see their faces!

in other news DJ is doing great. in fact he's gonna be in chicago on thrusday. on one hand yay becuase he has not been to his hometown in years. but on the other hand boo cuz i wanted him to meet my friends. oh well. he also asked me to keep an eye on his cat while he's gone. i dont konw why but i feel pretty...honored doesnt seem like the right word but you know what i mean. he loves that cat and he's leaving me with the responsibilty of making sure she doesnt die. i think that's pretty sweet.
Current Location:
P&M
Current Mood:
cranky cranky
Current Music:
One Way Street - DJ Wrexx
* * *
so i realized today that i am a worrier. like pretty hard core. at least once a week i will pick a topic (boys, school, job, money...etc) and worry the shit out of it! i dont know i just get these feelings that something isnt going right and then i obsess until i realize that im an idiot and everything is gonna be alright. 

and how about al gore winning the nobel peace prize?! that is the man that was supposed to be president... 

also, is it bad that i dont know exactly what i wanna do with my life yet? i guess ive done well for myself thus far and that's yet another thing i worry about all the time. i really need to get out there and take a risk. i just wish my fear of failure wasnt so crippling! ugh...life

Current Location:
bed
Current Mood:
exhausted exhausted
* * *
 this icon is so classic. 

that is all

Current Mood:
disappointed disappointed
* * *
so almost 2 weeks of work down and everything is going alright. i havent been crazy busy yet but im in charge of a bunch of new files. days like this suck tho cuz i have nothing really to do. 

if been thinking a lot lately about friends. well i should say old friends or people i used to be friends with. i got an invite to bridget's wedding last week in the mail. and while i have absolutely nothing against bridget i still dont know if i feel like putting myself in that situation. patty and i were BFF for like 2 years then nothing. it has been 3 years since ive seen her. i just dont know what i would do or say. that's why i dont really feel like going in the first place. i dont wanna go thru that whole awkward/fake conversation. and im so over being the better person because i dont feel like i did anything wrong. 

in 2 weeks some girls i used to hang out with all the time are gonna be in town the "FGs" yall remember, nikki, dawn and amber... well its been over a year since ive seen or heard from them too and its the same thing. i just dont wanna go thru all of the fake "catching up" because i know its only going to be good for that one weekend. if it were not for facebook neither one of us woudl know what was going on in eachothers lives, and that's sad. but to be honest i never felt like i was ever really part of the group. even tho we were close and hung out all the time i felt like they were very set with the arrangement they had. its really hard for new people to get in with a group of established friends. 

and rich... god. i dont know. we've been friends again for like 3 months and im just getting the feeling that he really doesnt care. im sure he probably doesnt feel like that but its like whenever i go to talk to him about something seriously or just letting him know the kind of person i am, i dont get much of a response from him and its really disappointing. he and i have had like 1 heart to heart and he was drunk and probably doesnt even remember what he said. 

part of me feels bad about not wanting to go to bridgets wedding or not wanting to hang out with the FGs but when you were so close with people and then nothing... i mean not contact for years. why bother? i just have a thing about people i used to be super super close with all of a sudden wanting to be friends again. its like after so many years we arent the same people, we really dont even have anything in common anymore.

when did i become such a cynic about friendship?

and dont get me wrong im not saying that my BFFs are the only ones who count. there are a bunch of people that i only hear from or see a few times a year and thats fine. i welcome stuff like that cuz it feels more colaborative, if that makes sense. its not like communications just stops. 

ps. that little mood icon for cynical is too cute!
Current Location:
P&M
Current Mood:
cynical cynical
* * *
so ok, i finally got my job offer in the mail yesterday! im really excited. now all i have to do is get thru 2 more stupid days! longest 2 days of my life. booo! 

i just got in the mood to watch the movie clueless. i havent seen the non tv version in so long. 

i need to change the background color of this thing. i like the green but it reminds me more of springtime and not autum. wow that's the first time ive ever said "autum" instead of "fall" 

i need to start working out again. ive noticed a major drop in energy. i just gotta get myself up to go do it. esp in the mornings. a thirty minute walk will give me energy to last all day.

Current Mood:
bored bored
* * *
* * *
so im getting an offer at that law firm! im so excited. if/when i accept i will start in one week! seriously you just dont know how awesome that makes me feel. ive been so down not having a job i love. now i can finally get my life in order and not have to worry so much about money.

so i spent the nearly the entire weekend with ben. i also met his parents this weekend. it wasnt anything planned or formal. they just came by to drop off mail and i happened to be there. but his parents are 2 of the sweetest people ive ever met. and they seemed to know a little bit about me. which makes me a little nervous but in a good way. god hes so damn sweet i can barely stand it.

things are finally looking up. and im so happy for myself.

Current Mood:
ecstatic ecstatic
* * *
 you know its funny, i'll read other people LJ entries and they are so introspective and thought provoking (is that how you spelll that? doesnt look right anyway,) but then ill go read my old ones and im like... lalala i love this boy...or lalala... last night was so amaing or lalala i hate my job. 

not that i dont consider myself introspective or provocative but i really just type how i talk. and i think also i dont really type with the intention that anyone is gonna read this shit. whatever. just something i noticed.

so in life news things are ok. well more than ok. pretty good. 

i still havent been out to my usual hangouts since jenna left, which was about 6 weeks ago. ive come a long way from my 14 nights out in a row. its just weird really. and i know its cheesy but i cant bring myself to go to those places without the girls. it just doenst seem right. and really there has been no outcry because of my absense. so its not like im really super missed. and i know that sounds emo but really i dont care. if i wanted to go out i would. truth is i really dont want to anymore. 

the boy is wonderful. we've ben hanging out for a solid month and he is really amazing. its really nice to be around someone so talented and who isnt caught up in all the bullshit. we are just getting to know eachother and its nice.

im still broke as fuck but hopefully that will change soon. turns out this lawyer i met at tantra one night wants to hire me at his firm. i interview on monday and im the only candidate right now so its a good sign. 
Current Location:
work
Current Mood:
ditzy ditzy
* * *

so things dont suck that bad anymore! 

i went on a date. like a for real date! that never happens. it was with the dj that works at tantra. really cute and sweet and easy to talk to. so yay!

Current Mood:
busy busy
* * *
things still suck...
Current Mood:
apathetic apathetic
* * *
christ its been ages since ive updated this thing!

i dont really have a whole lot of great news. i did get a job. its only temping but it could be a lot worse. im just not making near as much as i made at C&B. but i want a real job so im continuing to look.

my birthday was nice. it would have been great to see linda and jenna but ashley and alex hooked it up pretty sweet so im thankful.

ryan and i are no more. same old shit. im really sick of being a girl unlike any girl a guy as met yet they treat me exactly like every girl they've ever met. its really stupid. there is a possibility that im seeing someone new. but its at the begining stage where i have no idea what's really going on.

ive started eating a lot healthier and going back to the gym. i have things like humus in my fridge. its actually pretty good. i figure its one thing i can do for myself. 

im over summer. it was like 90 degrees when we got out of bajas the other night. that's just silly

i guess when i start having a life i'll update more. 

until then....
Current Location:
home
Current Mood:
gloomy gloomy
* * *
* * *

tons has gone down in the past few weeks...

  1. orlando was a blast. it was great hanging out with my family. everyone is doing well. i even went to universal studios! so much fun
  2. i got fired. yeah apparently C&B felt that my heart was not in the work. which if you know me you know that's complete bullshit! all i had was heart for that fucking job. im still really pissed off. and now the job search is pretty bleak.
  3. jenna is basically gone for good. and linda is gone for good in 9 days. its so weird ive not gone a day without seeing these girls for the past 2 years...and now we'll be seeing eachother just a few times a year
  4. i was a horrible friend to raquel. but i apologized and i hope we can get past it.
  5. not sure what's going on with ryan. i like him. i guess its time i was a little more obvious about it
  6. so guess who is back in my life? none other than rich nagle. yeah im just as surprised as you are

i think that's about it. life is pretty blah right now... im down about the job situation


Current Location:
home
Current Mood:
sad sad
* * *
so tonight is our last official night as the 3 of us. with everything that happened yesterday my emotions are all over the place. im sure once today is done i will feel a lot better.
Current Location:
C&B
Current Mood:
distressed conflicted
* * *
ugh. so what do you do when you have a problem but you dont really have anyone to talk to about it? hmm this is gonna be difficult.

i hate when i second guess myself about being a good friend. i've always thought i was a good friend but twice this week it has come into question. 

and why is it that when people have a problem they cant bring it up either right then or soon after. all this waiting for shit to build up and then coming with it is the best solution. i dont care if you think you are gonna make a mountain out of a mole hill. just maybe if you bring it up then, the situation can be resolved and then there wont be a bulid up.

no one is perfect

Current Mood:
depressed depressed
* * *
so i had kind of a date last night... with ryan. we had dinner and it was just moes but still it counts! it started when he called me after work to not really say anything. he got off at 8 and i was too nervous to be like, hey why dont we go grab a bite to eat? so i had to text him. he called me back around 830 and we went from there. it was so cute, i was pretty nervous but he's really easy to talk to. i like him, he's sweet and he always smells good. he seems genuine. im just glad i got to spend some actual quality time with him.

so he called me a couple hours later to say that he would be at tantra later and we were planning to go there. i dont know, last night was a weird night. i wasnt really in the mood to go out but there is a sort of obligation because jenna is leaving and of course i wanna spend all the time with her i can. but i just could not handle bajas at all last night. i was over it the second i walked in. so me and ash hung out at tantra for a bit. i did see/talk to ryan for a while. oddly enough i spent a while talking to his roommate/good friend zak. he was asking about ryan and what's going on and stuff. i tried to act chill but he could totally tell that i like him. and the only thing i got out of him was that ryan came home with a goofy grin on his face. i have not like, liked a boy like this is a while. i feel silly but i dont care.

ok so i lost my beloved ferragamo sunglasses :( so i had to go get a new pair. after careful searching i decided on these i got them in gold. they are pretty ridic.

orlando in a few days...i can not wait
Current Location:
C&B
Current Mood:
giddy giddy
* * *
i had the best day yesterday. i decided to get my hair cut and what a great idea that was. i came back to work with a new attitude. got tons of stuff done.

and ok...do people no realize when they are mumbling or talking at super high speeds on the phone? the other day this woman called and whatever she wanted sounded like she said it in one word. so then when i was like..im sorry i didnt understand you she slowed it down like i was a retard. so she sat on hold until she hung up. i dont put up with smartassedness. i really am not the one.

i swear me and my friends are thisclose to a barfight! jennas last week in tally...its coming, i can feel it. 

so ive been completely half assing my pills this whole month and im supposed to get my period on monday but i think im spotting. serves me right...

Current Location:
C&B
Current Mood:
thirsty thirsty
* * *
* * *

Previous