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so almost 2 weeks of work down and everything is going alright. i havent been crazy busy yet but im in charge of a bunch of new files. days like this suck tho cuz i have nothing really to do. 

if been thinking a lot lately about friends. well i should say old friends or people i used to be friends with. i got an invite to bridget's wedding last week in the mail. and while i have absolutely nothing against bridget i still dont know if i feel like putting myself in that situation. patty and i were BFF for like 2 years then nothing. it has been 3 years since ive seen her. i just dont know what i would do or say. that's why i dont really feel like going in the first place. i dont wanna go thru that whole awkward/fake conversation. and im so over being the better person because i dont feel like i did anything wrong. 

in 2 weeks some girls i used to hang out with all the time are gonna be in town the "FGs" yall remember, nikki, dawn and amber... well its been over a year since ive seen or heard from them too and its the same thing. i just dont wanna go thru all of the fake "catching up" because i know its only going to be good for that one weekend. if it were not for facebook neither one of us woudl know what was going on in eachothers lives, and that's sad. but to be honest i never felt like i was ever really part of the group. even tho we were close and hung out all the time i felt like they were very set with the arrangement they had. its really hard for new people to get in with a group of established friends. 

and rich... god. i dont know. we've been friends again for like 3 months and im just getting the feeling that he really doesnt care. im sure he probably doesnt feel like that but its like whenever i go to talk to him about something seriously or just letting him know the kind of person i am, i dont get much of a response from him and its really disappointing. he and i have had like 1 heart to heart and he was drunk and probably doesnt even remember what he said. 

part of me feels bad about not wanting to go to bridgets wedding or not wanting to hang out with the FGs but when you were so close with people and then nothing... i mean not contact for years. why bother? i just have a thing about people i used to be super super close with all of a sudden wanting to be friends again. its like after so many years we arent the same people, we really dont even have anything in common anymore.

when did i become such a cynic about friendship?

and dont get me wrong im not saying that my BFFs are the only ones who count. there are a bunch of people that i only hear from or see a few times a year and thats fine. i welcome stuff like that cuz it feels more colaborative, if that makes sense. its not like communications just stops. 

ps. that little mood icon for cynical is too cute!
Current Location:
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Current Mood:
cynical cynical
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On October 11th, 2007 10:32 pm (UTC), hockeybelle commented:
You know, I got the invitation and I tried to remember the last time I heard from Patty. And it's been like TWO YEARS since I have heard from her. I still try emailing her, leaving VM. I just wonder what happened to her? You don't drop every.single.person you know for no reason. I just.. uugghhh Marné what are we supposed to do???? Do we give up????

I honestly can't go to the wedding cause I am about to drop $400 to go down to Mobile for Chris' wedding.. but I had all the same thoughts as you did. What the hell would I say to her if I did see her?

I'm glad you and Melody have kept up with LJ because I feel like I still get to... "see" you. That's weird. I can't actually "see" you but.. anyway. I still kind of know what is going on. I still get to live vicariously through you and your parties ;) It is just sad that someone we were so close with just dropped us without a word. I'd at least like to know what I did to deserve it....
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